bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
