So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
