Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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