the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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