how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the day after is always just damage control
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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