He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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