I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
