Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
