You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Green mimosas i think yes
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
