its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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