He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
