I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
