I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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