When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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