I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
