Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
