shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
