i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
