just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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