I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
