3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
