Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize