I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
