i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
