Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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