Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
