theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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