By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
