I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
