Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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