if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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