The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
