I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
