You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You are a genius and a whore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
