So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
