Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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