My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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