Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I understand Curling. That high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
