she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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