well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that's an acceptable place to lick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
