the condom got lost in my hair
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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