sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
