Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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