WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
