she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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