it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
