Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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