Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
