I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
