I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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