and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
