Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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