two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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