He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
