found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
