I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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