I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
