I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
