i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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