The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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