omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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