Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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