We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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