I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
