my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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