well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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