the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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