i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I touched a dick in church today
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
