I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.