Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.