i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.