U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..