this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Intervention is following me on twitter.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
May the power of my ass compel you!!