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• (707): View more from California

  I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight

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