It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love accidental penises.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
