I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
