I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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