Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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