1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
