I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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