Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
