I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
